Blessed Assurance, Jesus Is Mine

⁴ But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he prayed that he might die, and said, “It is enough! Now, LORD, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!”

1 Kings 19:4

As I look around at all the evil that surrounds us, it is not hard to grow despondent. I have to admit there are times when I think I can’t handle another minute. Then there are those times that cut us to the quick. I’m talking about those Elijah “take me now Lord, I have nothing left to live for” moments. These moments are the ones where we have reached the end of our rope. We cannot go on; we do not have the strength to stand anymore. It is during these times we must cozy up to our God. It amazes me how He can deliver us through such a deep pit of despair.

This weekend was one of those times for me. I was blessed to have had several days with my daughters. I don’t see them often so when I had to take them back to their mother, to say the least, it is heartbreaking. Every time I have to return them, I go through a very painful, grieving process. Their lives are not at all what I ever wanted for them. I always dreamed of a happy family with the white picket fence, a dog, a cat, etc. There lives are just about the opposite of that.

On the long drive back home to an empty house, knowing I will find the little tell-tell signs of their visit, I get emotionally and physically sick. Yesterday was no different. Thank the Lord for a brother in Christ who went with me, I didn’t have to drive myself. When we were about forty five minutes from home we stopped for gas. The place where we stopped was in the middle of nowhere. It was a little gas station/truck stop/café. As we were pulling out we noticed a truck trailer sitting off to the side. It had been converted into a chapel for truckers (and/or anyone). My friend mentioned that he would like to have a look but he wanted to get home to his family. As we began to pull out, he turned and said he felt the need to go in.

When we walked through the door, there was no-one in sight but we heard movement. An older gentleman came out and he looked as though he was upset.

My friend asked him if he was okay and then we all sat down and he told us his story. He had been a truck driver for years and had since retired. He said the Lord had laid on his heart to sell his house and open this chapel ministry for truckers or whoever wanted to pray, worship or talk. He told of prostitutes, suicidal drivers and the like. He also told of his wife leaving him and the times of despair he had sometimes. We talked for about three hours I think. Before we left, we prayed together. I will never forget that experience. Somehow God uses the sharing of pain from one person to reach the hurting soul of another. I think all three of us walked away truly blessed after our time together.

When we got home, I went to my mothers for dinner and honestly, to prolong the dreaded opening of the door to an empty house. As I pulled into the driveway, I was already tearing up. I hated my house I thought. Then I realized I didn’t really, I just hated that my girls weren’t still in it. When I opened the door I began to sob.

I prayed that the Lord would help me hold it together at least until I got all my things out of the truck; and He did. I was surprised I didn’t collapse on the floor as I expected. I quickly gathered anything they had left out and put them in their room. It is so hard to go into their room, even look at the door, but when you think about it, to hurt this bad is such a blessing. The fact that I love someone(s) so deeply, and that they love me so deeply, means I am extremely blessed.

Unfortunately, the whole time my girls were here, I had been dreading this moment. They had even asked several times what was wrong with me.

I was hurting so bad and I was crying out to God to help me deal with the pain in my heart; then the thought occurred to me, have I thanked God? I had gotten mad at Him for allowing things to be the way they were, but was I grateful?  

As many times as I have thanked Him for His many blessings, and how many times have I told others we should thank Him and praise Him even in the bad times, but had I thanked Him for the visit? Right then I began to praise Him.

When God blesses and we praise Him, we will see He is continuing to bless us.

We have the unspeakable joy of knowing that one day there will be no more sorrow, only joy. That alone is worth praising Him through all of life’s woes.

As I look at my life, complete with heartache as well as joy, I think of my daughters, family, and friends that have never abandoned me. Those who could have washed their hands of me and quite frankly, had every reason by the worlds standards. I don’t know if God blesses some more than others, but if so, I am truly blessed above all others.

There is an old hym, “Blessed Assurance, Jesus is Mine,” by Fanny J. Crosby. 

The first Stanza says:

 Blessed Assurance, Jesus is Mine! Oh what a for-taste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God, born of His Spirit, wash’d in His blood.

Chorus:

This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long. This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long.

Second Stanza:

Perfect submission, perfect delight, visions of rapture now burst on my sight: Angels descending bring from above echoes of mercy, whispers of love. –chorus

Third Stanza:

Perfect submission, all is at rest, I in my Savior am happy and blest: Watching and waiting, looking above, filled with His goodness, lost in His love. –chorus