What Is A Real Man?

 

On social media I often see posts that start off with,

“A real man….”

This is often followed by, “puts his woman first,” “knows how to treat his lady,” “would die for his woman,” etc. I cannot say for certain that only women have posted these, but I can say that 100% of these posts I have seen are posted by women. While I do not argue against these statements, I do take issue with them in general for two reasons.

First, they appear, at least to me, to be used in a negative way. Often, I see them posted right after I have seen numerous posts bashing the last guy they were in a relationship with. This leads me to believe this is meant to be a jab at their ex, attacking his manliness or manhood.      I am quite confident that if the shoe were on the other foot and a man stated, “A real woman…,” it would be met with attacks from both women and men. Men are naturally inclined to defend women, a noble characteristic I have yet to see posted.   

Secondly, while many single mothers, my mom included, have tried to raise their sons to be good men, it is impossible for a mother to know how to teach her son to be a man, mainly because she is not a man. Can a lion teach a zebra how to be a lion? This is not meant to take away credit for trying but it is outside the realm of their knowledge.

Some mothers think they can simply find another man, not the biological father, to fill these shoes. Dr. Charles Stanley tells how his mother tried this approach with near disastrous results. You see, God gave children a mother and a father for good reason. Fathers are every bit as important as mothers and this is biblical.

Children raised in homes in any other setting than having the biological father present, with the exception of the father’s death, suffer tremendously. Promiscuity, drug and alcohol abuse, dropping out of school, incarceration, self-harm, and suicide rates go through the roof when the father is absent.

The next problem seems to be to lay the blame on the father for not being present. While this is certainly true in some cases, it is not true in all cases. In cases of divorce or separation, it is natural for both parents to want their kids but the evidence I have seen seems to point to two very different ideas. Fathers typically feel the kids would be better off living with their mother while moms tend to feel threatened and attempt to strip the father of all rights. I base these conclusions from first hand knowledge and statistical data. I make no claim that this is always the case but it does seem to be the prevalent thought.

Data also shows that most judges, especially in the past, have typically placed children, especially younger children, with the mother. While some order visitation, most never enforce it when the father is denied his rights. Again, look at the data.

Another complaint I have heard, a lot more lately, is that we have grown boys rather than men so finding a man is near impossible. Again, look at the data. Since the 1970’s, the number of children raised in a single parent home have continued to climb. Most of these kids have been raised by a single mom. The reason we have so many grown boys rather than men is the result of mothers raising their sons without the father present.

Young ladies, rather than attacking young men for not acting like men, perhaps you should blame bad mothering. Not only this, learn from their mistakes and do not repeat them.

I am not saying all single moms are guilty but if the shoe fits, wear it.

Maybe it’s time we, as a society, stopped attacking manhood and started recognizing the unique qualities God has given to men and women, fathers and mothers. Your desire to manipulate your ex using the kids needs to stop. What we are seeing is destroying our children. If you love your kids:

 

1.      Put God first

2.      Save yourself for your spouse (more likely to stay together)

3.      Do whatever you can to make your marriage work

4.      If separation is inevitable, co-parent equally as much as possible

5.      Encourage your kid’s relationship with the other parent

6.      Work to create the best environment for nurturing your kids  

7.      Stop using social media to bash your spouse, whether you are still together or not

 

This certainly does not apply to all single parents, neither does it only apply to mothers, but the reality is, manhood is under attack and many would see masculinity outlawed. I’m sure everyone has heard the term “toxic masculinity.” If not, check out your local public university.

If you really want to know what a real man should be, look to the Bible. While you’re at it, you might also look at what God says a real woman should be.

 

“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”   - John 8:7

 

For more on this subject, check out:

   https://ken-kenscorner.blogspot.com/2015/07/redefining-family.html

 

"Grief"

 

“Laughter can conceal a heavy heart; when the laughter ends, the grief remains.”

                                                                                          -Prov. 14:13 (NLT)

 

No doubt, many are familiar with the names Robin Williams and Chris Farley, two brilliant and hilarious comedians who entertained countless fans. Besides comedy, they also shared depression and deep pain which eventually led to their deaths. Williams committed suicide and Farley overdosed on drugs.

There are many today who suffer from depression and inner pain who do a great job of masking it. Some isolate themselves, perhaps seeming to be unsociable or even angry, while others may seem like the happiest people on the planet.

In an age of “mass communication,” it seems we are more lonely, more depressed, and more confused than ever before. I think this may be the result of the death of relationships. While grief and depression go back, long before the age of technology, many reports show an increased number of people experiencing depression and other psychological disorders. While it may seem a bit uncomfortable dealing with people we don’t understand, isn’t it the right thing to do?

Many of us no longer have the family structure we once had around us for support. Parents and others have died or moved away, around half of marriages end in divorce and parents fight over visitation with the kids, the list goes on. Some, mainly the twenty-somethings, find family structure with their friends and colleagues but fail to realize, it isn’t the same. While you may be able to share some things with friends that you would feel uncomfortable sharing with family, who loves you unconditionally?

I often think of those who live in nursing homes or alone. Some have no family, while others have family who are too busy to visit. You might think being surrounded by others around the same age and with the same conditions, they would find community but that doesn’t seem to be the case for many. Some are still able to get around but many are bedridden.

If we gain nothing else from this Covid 19 pandemic, we should at least learn what isolation and loneliness feels like. When it is over, rather than thinking, “I’m glad that’s over,” perhaps we can ask ourselves, “what can I do now to reach others who are lonely?”

As Christians, are we not instructed to be family and good neighbors?

The Scriptures warn of not taking care of each other and Jesus talked about taking care of the widow and the orphan (Job 22:9; Isa. 10:2; Jer. 49:11; Mal. 3:5; Mat. 24:13; Acts 6:1), visiting the sick, those in jail, feeding and clothing the poor (Mat. 25:41-46). This last passage in Matthew ends with a dire warning so we should pay attention. 

Those of us who call ourselves Christians should be very careful in the way we deal with each other or neglect one another.

Starting today, why not make it our goal to reach out to at least one person this week who might not have family or just get to know one person we might not otherwise talk to. Next week, we can reach out to two. The next week three, and so on. Getting to know the janitor where you work, that homeless guy on the way home, that man at church who others avoid, or an aged relative you’ve neglected to call.

I think of Ebenezer Scrooge’s nephew who, despite his nastiness, never failed to invite him to Christmas dinner.

Instead of saying, “He’ll never change,” why not say, “how can I be a good neighbor to this hurting soul?” or, “how can I show her Jesus?”

When a person like Robin Williams or Chris Farley are gone, it’s too late and you will never have another opportunity to reach them with the love of Christ. When you stand before the Lord to give an account, what will you say? 

 

 

 

If you change the font for Grief (Bookshelf Symbol 7), you will see it is “Grief.” Many of us are around people everyday who are struggling with grief and depression but we never see it. Even if a person seems happy and the life of the party, they may be struggling in a way we can’t understand.

 

 

To see more comedians who suffered from depression and took their own lives, see:

 https://www.ranker.com/list/famous-comedians-who-committed-suicide/celebrity-lists

To read more about Chris Farley, see:             

https://www.biography.com/actor/chris-farley

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God’s Law or My Law?

 

Some criticize God for asking for or demanding our worship and then complain that He would send anyone to hell. He is our Creator so there is nothing wrong or unfair with this. If we cannot praise Him in thankfulness, why would we want to go to be with Him in His heavenly home? The truth is, some of us want to be our own god, living for and worshipping ourselves but not facing judgment. We deny God and want to deny accountability to Him. The truth is, God created everything, including us, and has every right to set the rules. We broke His rules but then He, being perfectly just, sacrificed Himself to bridge the gap that we created. Since He is perfect, His laws are perfect. Perfect law demands accountability and punishment. He paid the price so we would not have to. We make the choice to accept His gift of atonement or pay the sin debt ourselves. There is nothing on God’s part that is unjust or unloving with this. What is unjust and unloving is to deny a holy Creator our thanks for creating us and providing for us and making a way back to Him. If we go to hell, it is because we choose it!   

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