On social
media I often see posts that start off with,
“A real man….”
This is
often followed by, “puts his woman first,” “knows how to treat his lady,” “would
die for his woman,” etc. I cannot say for certain that only women have posted these,
but I can say that 100% of these posts I have seen are posted by women. While I
do not argue against these statements, I do take issue with them in general for
two reasons.
First, they
appear, at least to me, to be used in a negative way. Often, I see them posted
right after I have seen numerous posts bashing the last guy they were in a
relationship with. This leads me to believe this is meant to be a jab at their
ex, attacking his manliness or manhood. I am quite confident that if the shoe were
on the other foot and a man stated, “A real woman…,” it would be met with
attacks from both women and men. Men are naturally inclined to defend women, a
noble characteristic I have yet to see posted.
Secondly, while
many single mothers, my mom included, have tried to raise their sons to be good
men, it is impossible for a mother to know how to teach her son to be a man,
mainly because she is not a man. Can a lion teach a zebra how to be a lion?
This is not meant to take away credit for trying but it is outside the realm of
their knowledge.
Some mothers
think they can simply find another man, not the biological father, to fill
these shoes. Dr. Charles Stanley tells how his mother tried this approach with
near disastrous results. You see, God gave children a mother and a father for
good reason. Fathers are every bit as important as mothers and this is
biblical.
Children
raised in homes in any other setting than having the biological father present,
with the exception of the father’s death, suffer tremendously. Promiscuity,
drug and alcohol abuse, dropping out of school, incarceration, self-harm, and
suicide rates go through the roof when the father is absent.
The next
problem seems to be to lay the blame on the father for not being present. While
this is certainly true in some cases, it is not true in all cases. In cases of
divorce or separation, it is natural for both parents to want their kids but
the evidence I have seen seems to point to two very different ideas. Fathers
typically feel the kids would be better off living with their mother while moms
tend to feel threatened and attempt to strip the father of all rights. I base
these conclusions from first hand knowledge and statistical data. I make no
claim that this is always the case but it does seem to be the prevalent
thought.
Data also
shows that most judges, especially in the past, have typically placed children,
especially younger children, with the mother. While some order visitation, most
never enforce it when the father is denied his rights. Again, look at the data.
Another complaint
I have heard, a lot more lately, is that we have grown boys rather than men so
finding a man is near impossible. Again, look at the data. Since the 1970’s,
the number of children raised in a single parent home have continued to climb. Most
of these kids have been raised by a single mom. The reason we have so many
grown boys rather than men is the result of mothers raising their sons without
the father present.
Young
ladies, rather than attacking young men for not acting like men, perhaps you should
blame bad mothering. Not only this, learn from their mistakes and do not repeat
them.
I am not
saying all single moms are guilty but if the shoe fits, wear it.
Maybe it’s
time we, as a society, stopped attacking manhood and started recognizing the
unique qualities God has given to men and women, fathers and mothers. Your
desire to manipulate your ex using the kids needs to stop. What we are seeing
is destroying our children. If you love your kids:
1. Put God first
2. Save yourself for your spouse (more
likely to stay together)
3. Do whatever you can to make your
marriage work
4. If separation is inevitable,
co-parent equally as much as possible
5. Encourage your kid’s relationship
with the other parent
6. Work to create the best environment
for nurturing your kids
7. Stop using social media to bash your
spouse, whether you are still together or not
This
certainly does not apply to all single parents, neither does it only apply to
mothers, but the reality is, manhood is under attack and many would see
masculinity outlawed. I’m sure everyone has heard the term “toxic masculinity.”
If not, check out your local public university.
If you
really want to know what a real man should be, look to the Bible. While you’re
at it, you might also look at what God says a real woman should be.
“Let he
who is without sin cast the first stone” - John 8:7
For more on
this subject, check out:
https://ken-kenscorner.blogspot.com/2015/07/redefining-family.html
