What Has That Got To Do With Forgiveness?

 

In the book, Every Man’s Battle, by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, Arterburn writes in his foreword:

 

One of my favorite stories is of a husband who came because his wife demanded it. After the conference he confessed his affair. He was truly repentant and said he would do anything to make it up to her. She asked him to sign over all the property and assets to her – because the name on them wouldn’t matter if he was truly finished with his lust and adultery. She asked him to shave his chest, and she asked him to get braces on his teeth. He did all three because he realized his actions had humiliated her and he was willing to do anything to humble himself and win back her heart. I speak with them both regularly, and they are doing well (pg. xii).

 

Does GOD forgive like this?                                                                                                    If so, I am in serious trouble when I get to heaven.                                                                                      If I even make it…

Before I begin to explain why I have such an issue with this, let me start by saying, despite the respect I had for Arterburn in the past, I can no longer respect his opinions and I cannot recommend this book. I think his condoning of this kind of vindictiveness is just a sample of what is wrong in the church and destroying what Christ taught about forgiveness. I wonder if Arterburn would be so quick to applaud the man if he had treated his wife this way?

When I was studying family counseling, a couple of the therapist/instructors told of adultery within their own marriages. One case I remember in particular, the wife had been having an affair. When the husband found out, he described how hard it was to sleep in the same bed with her. He said he felt like she was filthy and the thought of her touching him made him physically sick. So why did he not sleep on the couch, or better still, kick her out? He said because he was her husband, it was his job to cover her with his love and protection, even after she had cheated. He said that is what Jesus does for us and he had to be obedient to God’s Word and his marriage vows. I wish Stephen Arterburn would talk to this man.

I think I see some tale-tale signs of why the man cheated in the first place. While I am not an expert in the fields of psychology or marital counseling, I have studied both, academically and personally, thus I do have my own opinions. Decide for yourself if I present a good argument or not.

The reason I say there may be signs of why he cheated, let me present the results of a study I read a few years ago. In the survey, when asked if the person they cheated with was smarter, more attractive, better educated, etc., both men and women said the person they had the affair with did not measure up to their spouse. When asked why they cheated, men said because they felt their wives did not respect them, but the other woman did. Women responded that they felt their husbands did not love them, but the other man did. (Unfortunately, I have lost many of the papers I wrote, and this is one I cannot locate).

As I stated in my paper (from memory), Paul instructed:

 

Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, since we are members of His body (Ephesians 5:22-30, HCSB).

 

He concludes, “This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:32-33, HCSB).   

Again, Paul, in his letter to the Colossians, writes, “Wives, be submissive to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them” (Colossians 3:18-19, HCSB).

According to the study I mentioned above, men typically cheat because they do not feel respected by their wives. I think we clearly see from the text that this wife had serious issues and I believe she genuinely lacked respect for her husband. I would guess that the other woman was everything this man’s wife was not. While I do not condone his actions, he clearly demonstrates his love for his wife, his dedication to the marriage, and his repentance for the affair. I would even go so far and challenge believers to question if they demonstrate this kind of brokenness over their sins and devotion to God, or not.

I think about the parable Jesus told of the two men who went to the temple to pray. One a Pharisee, the other a tax collector. The Pharisee was pompous and prideful, naming off all he did, even boasting how he was so much better than the tax collector. The tax collector made no excuses, not even looking up but beat his chest and confessed his sins. Jesus said the tax collector was the one who left justified (Luke 18:13-14, HCSB).

I’m not saying that every cheating spouse should be let off the hook. What I am saying is that we don’t know the details of why someone strays in the first place but when the repentant sinner returns, do they find grace and mercy?

Again, let’s return to the Scriptures one more time to see how God demonstrates forgiveness. Jesus told about a man who had two sons. The younger asked for his inheritance before his father was even dead. He took his money and went away to live a life of sin. When the money was gone and he found himself hungry, dirty, and cold, he returned a broken man, knowing he did not deserve his father’s forgiveness. He would merely ask to be a servant because they were treated better than he was with the life he had made for himself. The father was already looking for him and saw him off in the distance. He ran to meet this dirty, smelly, wretch of a man, and threw his arms around him, kissing him and crying for joy. Was his brother glad to see him? No, he sulked and would have sent him away. Knowing that this event had broken his father’s heart, he had no compassion, not even for his father (Luke 15:11-32, HCSB).

Is adultery a sin? Yes! Does it hurt the jilted spouse? Yes! Does it hurt children? Yes! Does it cause problems between the two families? Yes! Does it break GOD’s heart? Yes! Is it forgivable? You answer this one.

I hope this couple does not have children. Can you imagine the problems they will have in their marriages?

“But if you don’t forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing” (Matthew 6:15, HCSB).

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Are You Afraid?

 

If you watch or listen to the news lately, what you will most likely hear is a myriad of angry voices hurling insults or decrying what someone else said, did, or is doing.

I was a child during the late sixties and remember the Vietnam War protests, the Civil Rights marches, and all of the anger from opposing sides, but what we are witnessing today seems far worse; to me anyway.

A few years ago, I was hearing TV gurus, like Oprah Winfrey, talking about trust your feelings, listen to your heart, and truth being relative, “What is true for you may not be true for me” and vice versa. If a dog bites your leg, the truth is, it hurts. That cannot be true for one and not true for another. Not unless one is dead, unconscious, or has no feeling in that leg. The same is true for death. A dead person is dead, physically anyway, no matter how you look at it. Now, whether the person’s soul lives on and where, might be debatable but the truth is, that person is not going to get up, walk around, and talk to you as in days before.

In all the years of my life, I have not seen the absolute hatred spewing forth as I have since the days leading up to the 2016 election, continuing up until today. I hate to think this is the new normal but I’m afraid it is. Now, before you go accusing me of being a pessimist, let me tell you why. I read my Bible every day and while I do not claim to be a Bible expert, I am not that stupid either. Okay, maybe that is disputable but just try to follow with me for a minute. Over and over in Scripture, we read about Israel and how they turned away from God. God “allowed” other, more un-Godly, nations to conquer them because they refused to listen to His spokesmen (prophets, priests, judges, etc.).

America was founded on God and His biblical principles. We were a Christian nation, not perfect, but look at us today! We murder our children, reject truth (and don’t even really know what the word means apparently), support unholy relationships, worship the creation rather than the Creator, and have allowed God to be removed from our schools, courthouses, other public institutions, and even many of our churches.

Maybe God is allowing all of the strife we are seeing today to get our attention and lead many to salvation. Should Christians be afraid though?

You may be asking yourself, where are you going with all of this?

Okay, here goes…

In his book, Be Amazed: Restoring an Attitude of Wonder and Worship, OT Commentary on Minor Prophets, Warren Wiersbe, in his section on Habakkuk, chapter 3, is discussing faith and writes, “Habakkuk has faced the frightening fact that his nation will be invaded by a merciless enemy. The prophet knows that many of the people will go into exile and many will be slain. The land will be ruined, and Jerusalem and the temple will be destroyed. Yet he tells God that he will trust Him no matter what happens!”  

“I will wait patiently on the Lord” (Habakkuk 3:16).

This is not the first time God has brought destruction on His people and their land, the land He gave them, and Habakkuk is well aware of how bad things were in the past.

Wiersbe continues, “If Habakkuk had depended on his feelings, he would never have made this great confession of faith. If Habakkuk looked ahead, he saw a nation heading for destruction, and that frightened him. When he looked within, he saw himself trembling with fear, and when he looked around, he saw everything in the economy about to fall apart. But when he looked up by faith, he saw God, and all his fears vanished. To walk by faith means to focus on the greatness and glory of God.”  

Let that sink in, “To walk by faith means to focus on the greatness and glory of God.”

He then makes what I consider to be another profound statement, “One of the marks of faith is a willingness to wait patiently for the Lord to work. ‘Whoever believes will not act hastily’ (Isa. 28:16 NKJV). When we run ahead of God, we get into trouble.”

These nuggets of wisdom just keep coming: “When you know God is working in your life, you can afford to wait quietly and let Him have His way. Furthermore, God had commanded him to wait (2:3) and ‘God’s commandments are God’s enablements.’ No matter what we see and no matter how we feel, we must depend on God’s promises and not allow ourselves to ‘fall apart. ‘Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him’ (Ps. 37:7).”

It appears that, in times such as these, we should, 1) Be still, 2) pray, and 3) wait on the Lord. No matter what is going on, God is still on His throne, and He is still, very much in charge. Instead of complaining about why God doesn’t do something, we would do well to see it rightly, He is doing something, and we need to reflect inwardly towards ourselves and ask what we are doing wrong, rather than outwardly at God and asking why He doesn’t do what we want Him too.   

I’ll let Wiersbe have the final word: “Whenever we find ourselves getting ‘churned up’ within, we can be sure that we need to stop, pray, and wait on the Lord before we do some stupid thing.”

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Encourager

 

In the book of Acts, chapter 9, after his conversion experience on the road to Damascus, we read that Saul was blinded physically, but for the first time in his life, could see perfectly, spiritually. The problem was the men with him could not help him; he needed someone who could speak and act for God. God had a man ready for the task, his name was Ananias. When God told Ananias to go to Saul, he was scared. He had heard how Saul had been persecuting the Christians, but he was obedient to the Lord. God used Ananias to heal and then baptize Saul. Shortly thereafter, God sent Barnabas to introduce Saul to the apostles who were also afraid, but Barnabas testified to them how God was already using him. As the book continues, we see that Barnabas was a great encourager.

As we know, Saul became the Apostle Paul and much of the New Testament was penned by his hand. He was arguably the most influential evangelist/preacher/theologian next to Christ. What if Ananias and Barnabas had given in to fear and prejudice? Would we know anything about Paul today? I believe so. God can make things happen with or without us, but He chooses to use us or as I like to say, God does the work, He just allows us to be a part of what He is doing.

Do you have an encourager in your life?

Do you feel encouraged by others at your church?

Do you encourage others?

Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like we have many encouragers in the church today. Many of the ones I have seen, only encourage those that meet their qualifications and not God’s. Several years ago, I witnessed a church I loved and had been a member of for many years, not only refuse to encourage the pastor, but actually discourage him. It was heartbreaking to watch. Needless to say, the Lord called him to another church. We hired another, younger pastor, who had a heart for reaching those in our community. Again, many in the church discouraged this and he left as well.

A short time later, we got another pastor. His ideas on evangelism were quite different. I had invited a co-worker to visit our church and she eventually did start coming. I was told that he, being the pastor, and another man would take over and that I was to stop witnessing to her. A few weeks later she left the church and told me they had made numerous, unannounced visits to her apartment and were pressuring her to get baptized. She shared with me that she knew she needed to get baptized but that she was not ready. She could not handle the pressure they were putting on her and, as she said, they didn’t really care about her soul, they just wanted a number. They literally chased her away.

Around this time, I had gone to Chicago for training in a ministry opportunity. I had not discussed with the pastor or church leadership as I did not think it necessary. A week or so later, I was called to the pastor’s office and was chastised for not getting permission and I was told the church could not afford to help me financially. I thought this odd because I had never asked for nor expected their financial support.

I could give more examples from this church alone but that is not necessary. Needless to say, I left that church and went elsewhere. I wish I could say I found a great church that believes what the Bible says abut equipping the saints and sending them out but I haven’t, as of this writing. While I think it wise to find out what someone is doing and if it aligns with Scripture, before offering support and encouragement, I find it difficult to accept a church that neither finds out nor prays over such matters and then refuses to encourage such ministry.

For more than ten years now, everything ministry based I have undertaken has been outside and apart from any church. After working in and through the church for many years, it is so much more freeing to work apart from the legalism and politics that have taken over so many of our churches. It is not just pastors but the members as well.     

It is a sad thing when the church does not support what God is doing.

Barry Meguiar, of Meguiar’s auto products, started a ministry called “Revival Outside the Walls.” He encourages Christians to take their faith outside the church and meet people where they are. He is a successful business man, a dedicated Christian, and an obedient servant of God.  

I am a proud graduate of Liberty University. The founder, the late Jerry Faldwell, was a visionary who saw the need to not just educate pastors and others seeking to serve in the church, but to equip every student to take the Gospel wherever they were led vocationally; thus, the motto, “Training Champions for Christ.”  

What a blessing it would be if the church would lift up in prayer and encourage, those who serve outside the church. What good does it do if we know all the latest praise songs and sing louder than everyone else or have a bumper sticker or yard sign if we don’t partner with those God has called to serve, in and outside, the walls of the church building.